Traitor
by Schoene
Summary: (WIP) An expansive tale of Severus Snape's first romantic encounter. This is slash (SSJP). Not fluffy.
1. White Flag

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Disclaimer: Harry Potter is the property of J.K. Rowling and Warner Bros., along with Scholastic Books, Raincoast Books, Bloomsbury Books, etc. I am not making any profit from this story.

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Warning: Please be aware that this story contains slash and will eventually have a solid 'R' rating. Please desist reading if you're uncomfortable with this.

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A/N: This has not been looked over by a beta. To be honest, I haven't even proofread this once after I wrote it. I was too tired. Please feel free to point out any and all errors, and review as nastily as you like. I'll update accordingly.

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Traitor

I. White Flag

It was too bright on the Hogwarts grounds that day. It wasn't uniformly white, like on an overcast day, when Severus found himself yearning for evening because the dull glare was more invasive than it was encouraging. Rather, the sun was welcoming today, and the only few clouds in the sky did not obscure its blaze. 

There were warm yellow patches patterning the grass and fallen leaves beneath his feet, which moved as the trees swayed in a cool autumn breeze, their branches forming new shadows. It was this kind of light that Severus was fond of; gentle and fiery, the kind that warmed his back and shoulders under his black hooded cloak with the silver fastenings.

The lake was violently reflective for an early October afternoon, sending bright white glimmers across the rocks and trees that stood sentry on its edges. Reflective water patterns danced around though it was quiet, and they somehow made Severus appreciate his solitude. It was here, along the path around the Hogwarts lake that he walked, in search of some quiet reading.

It was also here that Severus found his reverie interrupted as he was reaching into his school bag and fumbling about for his book. Just as he found it, his thumb grazing along its worn, cracked spine, he heard whispering voices some distance away. These were accompanied by several loud, obvious cracks of snapping twigs.

Severus was on the ready. He'd been ambushed before, as he was picked on often - and he didn't instil much trust in people as it was anyway. They were unreliable, self serving, and wholly oblivious to practicality. Fingers curled around the soft wooden handle of his wand, Severus whirled around to face his impending attackers.

Two dark haired heads peered at him from behind a veil of thin trees, still and silent. Severus emitted an incredulous snort. Trust Gryffindors to attempt an encroachment upon the enemy whilst tramping along like trolls and conspiring in stage whispers.

Severus didn't want to play along with their juvenile pranks. "What do you want?" he enquired in a bored, yet wary fashion. His fingers gripped the hilt of his want with increased vigour, though the action was not noticeable to anyone who might have been watching him.

Finding that the game was up, James Potter and Sirius Black stumbled out of the trees and onto the narrow pathway. Both of them wore matched expressions of disappointment, like dogs denied extra scraps at suppertime. Severus sneered with disdain, raising his chin a little higher in the air as he held himself ready for an attack.

"Ooh, ickle Snivellus wants a fight," Sirius mocked, taking a step forward that was much too close for the defending Slytherin's liking. He shifted away quickly, but James was too fast, and had already arrested Severus' wand hand from behind.

Severus cursed himself mentally as James forcefully pried the wand from his fingers and held his wrists in a vicelike grip. Why couldn't he fight back effectively? Merlin knew he was the better wizard, even against the two of them combined.

"Too slow," James sang satisfactorily from somewhere near his left ear. The boy's breath was slightly warm on Severus' neck, and the wand was entirely out of his reach. _Blast._

Sirius grinned. Apparently, they had something nasty in store for Severus - and all he'd wanted to do was read his fucking book in peace. No, he was going to have to endure more 'Snivellus this' and 'greasy-haired that,' merely for the sake of some extra laughs in the Gryffindor sixth-year boys' dormitory later that night. Not without a good fight, he wasn't.

James began to snigger as Severus growled and kicked backwards. The Potter boy was much too strong for him, and kept Severus' thin wrists held fast all throughout the struggle. He was only embarrassing himself further, so he ceased kicking and huffed, tossing his head and throwing his long hair back. "Give that back - you vile - you loathsome -"

Sirius started laughing too. "Snivellus," he managed between hearty cackles, "Most girls can fight better than that!" He began to shriek in an unbecoming falsetto, kicking his legs about effeminately. "Vile! Loathsome!"

Severus' dark eyes narrowed and his lips pursed in mute embarrassment; the two boys were playing with him as if he only existed for their trivial amusement. "Do you two not have anything _better_ to do," he snapped icily, "than follow me around? Give me back my fucking wand and shove off."

"Never mind, Padfoot," James said airily as Sirius raised his own wand at Severus and started to mutter what was undoubtedly a hex of some sort. "We've not come to bother you today. We're supposed to - that is, we've been ordered to, otherwise we wouldn't have agreed -"

"Just state your business, Potter," Severus cut in smoothly. "I'd rather be elsewhere."

James' grip tightened menacingly on one of the smaller boy's forearms. "Fine. We're to collect rosehip and brindle thorns. That is, you and me."

Severus considered the statement for a moment. What were they playing at? He shifted his weight in a mildly irritated fashion. "I'm working alone on that project. Find someone else to harass."

There was an exasperated sigh from James, who still wouldn't let go of him; presumably they assumed Severus would run away. "I have. I mean, I did. Professor Platt didn't want me working with Sirius -- Or on my own, actually --"

"-- Probably because you'd poison someone --"

"-- And you were the only person without a partner left in the class," James finished lamely. "Sirius already paired up with Peter. He was the only other available option. We played chess for - "

"That's nice," Severus cut in again, sounding as if he had just stepped in something unpleasant. 

He smirked inwardly as James fell quiet, likely realizing how juvenile it was to fight over who had to work with the outcast.

"Don't be a prat," Sirius growled at the oblique insult. "_Prosterno,_" he muttered, and Severus found himself shoved to the ground by a violent, invisible force. He landed ungracefully on his behind, limbs sprawled in the thin carpet of leaves. He felt sore.

And he felt angry. The two Gryffindors howled with laughter, and everything seemed to be slow for a moment as Severus struggled to his feet, nearly tripping over his long cloak. That was _it_. Taking advantage of James' unguarded moment, Severus snatched his wand back roughly. "Work with someone else, Potter," he spat before stalking away and stuffing the wand protectively into his bag. Did James expect a willing partnership if they were going to continuously torment him? Not likely. 

Severus was not a weak individual.

He followed the path quickly, all black billowing cloak and brusque manner, pleased at how fast the laughter from behind him died out in the air.

"Snivel -- shit, I mean Snape! Wait!" James was running to catch up with him, but Severus kept walking even when the other boy had caught up.

They walked together for a minute, a crisp breeze blowing against their strides and causing James to stuff his hands in the pockets of his cloak. The silence was his attempt to make peace, apparently. What a simple creature.

However, Severus wasn't averse to his company as long as he wasn't bothered by it. Some time passed; the afternoon light grew warmer as sunset neared, and the air grew colder. Potter's sidekick had seemingly found something more worthwhile to do with his time, which suited Severus perfectly. However, he'd come out to read, and that was just what he intended to do.

They reached the opposite side of the lake, where there were many trees and a rather impressive view of the castle. Stopping under a shady willow, Severus lowered himself delicately to the ground (his behind was still a bit sore from Sirius' attack, but he moved carefully anyway because he was not _common_) and brought his book out. James sat beside him.

"Potter, are you still on about that stupid project? Work alone. Platt won't kill you," Severus said flatly.

James shifted so that he was hugging his knees and resting his chin atop them. "But you're the best in our year," he exclaimed quietly. "I want to work with you."

"I -- what?!" Severus' book fell onto his lap, and the breeze played with its yellowed, dog-eared pages, flipping them forward in a slow pattern. He turned to look at Potter, to identify the malice in his eyes before some mocking punch line followed.

  
Potter appeared sincere. He must have really wanted to do well on the assignment, to be quite as civil to his rival as he was; to dispense of the banal name-calling and empty taunts. James offered the ghost of a smile before glancing down at Severus' book, which was now flipping pages rather wildly. The wind tousled the Gryffindor's ridiculously messy black hair at the same time, making him look as if he'd just been asleep, or playing quidditch, or both in sequence.

Severus suddenly felt faintly dizzy. He slammed the book shut. The rhythmic flapping of the pages gone, James tore his gaze away from the book and looked at the boy holding it instead. His eyes were hazel, and held a warm amber glow in the dying sunlight.

Truth be told, the boy was terribly attractive - thin and tall, where Severus was skinny and awkward; the delicate facial features Potter possessed far outshined his own. Severus hadn't really grown into his face yet, and his nose was commonly made fun of. It was rather ridiculous looking, if he was to be honest with himself. His teeth were crooked and yellowing, and James' were straight and white. Severus' hair was a stringy black that hung limply about his bony face. It was oily, and him look dirty. James' hair was the same colour as his, but soft and pleasant, and the messy look suited his features anyway. Severus felt an uncomfortable surge of jealousy.

It wouldn't have been so bad if Potter had had no brains to go with his looks. Severus could laugh if that were the case - stupid Potter, he's got the looks but he couldn't pour water out of a boot if the instructions were on the bottom. Unfortunately, the boy had looks, intelligence -- friends. Severus' friends were more like acquaintances, and they were a shady group anyway. The closeness Potter shared with his little clique -- Black, Lupin, and Pettigrew -- Severus would never have with anyone he knew.

"Um," James said eloquently.

Severus felt another odd lurch, and tucked his book away.

"Snape, I'm… sorry about earlier. I need your help. Please?" James gazed at him worriedly.

It was sort of odd. James Potter wasn't known for caring enough about his schoolwork to call truces, however temporary, with his archenemies. Severus was positive the absence of James' lapdog Sirius had something to do with the Gryffindor's recently acquired humility, but that couldn't have been the entire driving factor.

Suspicious, Severus hesitated. _What's the worst that could go wrong? I can defend myself from Potter._

"Fine," he replied at length. "I know where to find rosehip. Let's get this over with."

Severus had already disappeared into the forest before James realized his plea had been successful. He smiled pensively before following.

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Review if you like. All comments are welcome.


	2. Strategems

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Disclaimer: Harry Potter is still the property of J.K. Rowling and Warner Bros. Inc., along with various and sundry publishers including but not limited to Scholastic Books, Raincoast Books, Bloomsbury Books, etc. I am only writing this for fun.

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Warning: Please be aware that this story contains slash and will eventually have a solid 'R' rating. Please desist reading if you're uncomfortable with this.

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A/N: I am sorry I've taken so long to update. I lost inspiration for a bit. I will not abandon this story, however long I leave for. The next chapters should be up much faster than this one as I've got a better handle on what's going to happen at what time. I'm still my own beta, so feel free to comment where you think I may need a second opinion. Thank you very much to those who reviewed: Amandinka, mooze, Elena 22, MistressCoCoLoVeR, and ObscureTwin (I took your advice - thanks). I do so appreciate you! I hope this chapter is worth the read.

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Traitor

II. Stratagems

It was growing darker steadily. Insects darted about in the cool twilight air, and the many birdsongs of the day began to lessen into a still evening quietude. This all escaped one James Potter, though, as he idly swatted a gnat away from himself while attempting to concentrate on keeping his footing steady in the tangled grass. Huffing exasperatedly, he stumbled after the foul-tempered Slytherin, whose strides were unnaturally smooth and hasty.

"Hey, Snape! -- Slow down!"

"Walk faster," came the austere retort from somewhere ahead.

James frowned unappreciatively to himself as he followed, hopping over the erratic patterns of the wind-torn branches that were strewn upon the ground. They were leaving the lake and the path surrounding it; heading, in fact, towards the Forbidden Forest. By doubling his pace, James was able to fall into step beside Severus.

"Wait. Are we going in --" James indicated the thick patch of knotted trees ahead that marked the outskirts of the Forbidden Forest.

"Yes. Not frightened, hmm?" Severus queried absently.

James scoffed. Afraid of the Forbidden Forest? Not likely. "I'm not scared, Snivel --" A beat. "-- Er, Snape."

Severus scoffed nastily. "Saving the insults for when you have Pettigrew and Black hanging upon your every word? Nobody to impress out here, Potter," he spat in a glacial tone of voice, pushing on towards the awaiting shadows without expecting a reply. He still held suspicion that the Potter boy was up to something two-faced, but felt confident in his defensive abilities against the lone Gryffindor. Perhaps he'd finally get his chance to come out on top.

Nearly twenty minutes passed, the two boys having stalked at a moderate pace through the wood together without even one exchange of words. It was getting late; they would have seen stars beginning to dot the velvet canopy of night above them if the trees were not so dense and thick. It was cold, too. James and Severus were both lost in their own thoughts, and the Slytherin almost failed to recognise the sought-after plant until he walked directly into it. He'd have to pay better attention…

"How'd you know this grew here?"

Severus broke away from his reverie as he registered the sound of James' smooth voice cutting silkily into the quiet night air. The Slytherin felt momentarily unbalanced as he realized the other boy stood rather close. There had been an even distance between them for the walk, not that he was thinking about it or anything. It didn't matter. Now, what had Potter said? Severus pretended to act as if he didn't care, which proved successful.

But Potter was staring. That much was obvious, even in the last vestiges of evening light that bathed the forest mildly. Severus suddenly felt too unnerved to feign cool indifference.

"What?!" He snapped irritably. "Harvest, Potter, and stop gaping at me." In order to remove himself from the terrible awkwardness, Severus turned his attention to the red fruit they were supposed to be collecting, superficially examining its varieties. Try as he might, he felt totally unhinged on the inside. What was happening? He had been wrong to agree to come. He should have fled.

James ignored the plant. "What are you thinking about?" he pressed on eagerly. There was a pensive sheen to his gaze, and his calm exterior did not reassure the flustered Slytherin.

"The extent of my misfortune at being partnered with such an indolent sod," Severus bit back reflexively. Well, it was partially true, anyway.

"Just relax," James replied evenly. "I don't know how you manage to get through each day acting as if there's a wand shoved up your arse." There was laughter in his tone.

Severus narrowed his eyes in the dark, feeling distinctly affronted. "Honestly Potter, childish insults are your social crutch."

"You just called me an indolent sod!"

"You _are_ an indolent sod, Potter; it was merely an assertion of fact. I don't stoop to your level of juvenile behaviour."

James chuckled. Severus was not amused.

"Do you remember the Shrieking Shack?"

Snape tensed, abandoning his rosehip at the question. "Your clever prank, you mean? The one your filthy werewolf friend helped arrange? Let's lead old Snivellus to his premature death; it'll be a first-rate laugh?" His tone was curt and firm.

James had the grace to appear remorseful, at least. "No… That wasn't my idea. I wanted to stop it. Don't you remember? I'm sure you remember that I sav--"

Severus hissed in protest before the words had a chance to leave the other boy's mouth. "Get it straight, _Potter_. I did not, nor will I _ever_, require saving. Especially not from you. Don't flatter yourself otherwise, not for a moment." He was startlingly vehement; and, pivoting on his heel, made to return to the Hogwarts castle.

A hand seized his thin wrist firmly, halting him in his rapid tracks. "Wait. Just… wait."

Severus pursed his lips angrily, making a vain, yet respectable effort to extricate his forearm from the Gryffindor's unyielding grasp. "Get _off _my fucking arm," he spat in warning.

James raised an eyebrow, never having been acquainted with Snape's less formal mannerisms of speech, but decided it was not important enough to pursue. First time for everything. "I'm sorry," he offered. "Please don't leave. At least, we came out here for a reason. We might as well…" He gestured to the rosebushes. "You know, you really are too tense. Like you're thinking I'm going to hex you at any moment. I'm just trying to get this project done."

Severus had no idea what to make of it. It was dark now, but there was still a dim blue light enough to make out the graceful curves of James Potter's features. Again, he felt a surge of envy. Nobody would ever think Severus Snape as delicate as the popular Gryffindor boy was. The idea was laughable. Severus hadn't bothered trying out for Slytherin's Quidditch team, and only turned up in secret for each match, watching eagerly from beneath the stands. James Potter was painfully smooth on a broom. The Gryffindor epitomized everything Severus felt he lacked. Yet, James was somehow… alluring, when he wasn't flanked by his stupid friends. It was not a comforting prospect.

Suddenly, Severus felt the object of his musings had moved closer. James' warm hand came to rest tentatively on Severus' small shoulder, breaking him out of his reflective state. "Don't worry," the other boy whispered reassuringly. Both of his hands were touching the Slytherin now, as the other still held fast to a bony wrist, just as it had done earlier in the day when James had restrained his victim for a little afternoon taunting. Severus wanted to laugh and cry in the same moment. What was transpiring?

"Potter."

"Hmm?"

"Please unhand me."

"I would rather not."

Temper lost, Severus let out a short breath. "You're holding too tight."

"Sorry," James answered quietly. He loosened his grip on the smaller boy's wrist, moving his hand almost casually along the soft forearm just underneath the hem of Severus' cloak sleeve.

These moves found Snape quite petrified. Confusion occluded his logical thinking processes - it must have been a joke, but why couldn't he understand its meaning? What was he supposed to do? Any words he wished to speak were caught in his throat; any actions disconnected from his will.

Severus felt that James was closing in on him; as a cold breeze swept briefly past them, he thought he could smell the soap James must have used. Severus trembled, and felt a hand smooth his hair and rest on the nape of his neck. It was warm. Severus didn't look up. He didn't want to see James looking at him, which he knew the other boy was doing. He felt sick. His stomach was not supposed to flipping over inside him, but that was what it felt like. Why? It was uncomfortable, yet wild and kind of thrilling.

"At least it's an improvement from your running away," James remarked quietly. His breath was warm. Severus could feel it on his neck.

"What are you playing at?" the Slytherin managed to vocalise. There, his vocal chords weren't entirely ineffectual… yet.

"Nothing. I just… I don't know. Just don't leave."

"We're going to miss curfew," Severus remarked guardedly. _Blast, why aren't I fighting him?! He's going to think I like this._

Severus made a very feeble attempt to slip away from Potter's embrace, which failed miserably. James only pulled him closer. Now they were touching.

"_Curfew? _It doesn't matter! I mean, I don't care… and neither should you. Stop worrying. Fuck the curfew."

"Language, Potter."

"You said it earlier. _Severus_."

"Maybe _you _don't care about losing house points, but I -" Severus stopped. There was something incredibly soft grazing his neck. It was James' mouth, he realised, which was kissing under his ear and moving down towards his collarbone even as he stood there, dumbstruck.

Severus froze. Potter was so warm, and it was a chilly night. That was the only reason the kisses felt pleasant, Severus was sure. He closed his eyes. He could smell Potter again. It was a nice smell, fresh. Clean. Wasn't James always making fun of him for being dirty? Wasn't that what everyone laughed about? Awkward, manky, ugly Snape with greasy hair and greying underpants, ha ha? Potter was… about perfect. Why was this happening? How could _anyone_ feel attraction towards Severus Snape, especially the one who had always mocked his ineptitude? It didn't fit. None of it did. This was a game.

"Get off," Severus muttered.

"Mmm, why?" James inquired in a low tone that made Severus shiver.

"I don't like this. I don't like you. Whatever you're trying to do, Potter, I don't like it."

"I think you do," James whispered into his ear.

"I don't - I mean -" Severus' words weren't coming out smoothly. "You're trying to _seduce _me. I can't believe it."

James smiled in the darkness. "You wouldn't tell anyone."

"Oh, brilliant idea. Let's all waylay Snape and molest him in the bushes because he doesn't have the bollocks to sneak on us," Severus ground out sarcastically.

"That's not what I meant. Look, just… How can I… How can I get you to trust me?"

Severus snorted. "You can't."

"But I want to… I want you to trust me. You don't trust anyone at all, do you?"

"I trust myself."

Neither boy spoke for a few heavy moments. An owl hooted somewhere in the distance. A gust of wind blew up dead leaves at their feet. It was James who broke the silence.

"You're cold. You feel like a vampire." His fingers were unfastening Severus' cloak, and then he slipped his arms about the Slytherin's slight middle and held him close. Severus felt a flood of heat.

"Severus?" he said again.

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From Snivellus to Snape to Severus, all in the course of an evening. This is completely mad. I should leave. I should…

"Yes?" Severus replied curtly, looking up at James now it was now too dark to make eye contact.

"I want to kiss you."

"_What?!_ No!"

"Why not?"

"I… I don't… That's repulsive. No."

"I won't tell anybody, if you let me."

"I'd gleefully stick my head in a bucket of wartcap powder first."

"You're still here because you want this, Severus."

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Hmm. That's not true. Why am I still here?

One of James' hands crept under the back of Severus' shirt and softly caressed his back. Severus' breath hitched.

"See, I knew it," Potter breathed in a hushed tone. His lips brushed against Severus' small jaw line and kissed softly. "Just forget about hating me. I want this. I want… you."

Severus felt trapped even as his blood began to heat. If he wasn't lying to himself, he had never before experienced any physical pleasure, and James Potter made him feel many different feelings at once. He didn't like how everything inside him seemed to jolt at the feel Potter's mouth… or touch. But he was still mystified at James' apparent change of habits.

James' hands were slowly running along the bare flesh of Severus' torso, and he stopped kissing, for which Severus suddenly realised he felt deprived. He could have kicked himself for being so weak. How could he enjoy what was undoubtedly meant to mislead him? Potter had outsmarted him. He did want this, just like Potter said he did. But he didn't have to make his desires known.

"I'm going back to the school," he asserted firmly. "This is ridi -"

But James held Severus' hips firmly in place, and effectively silenced him by letting their mouths meet. This kiss was slow and needful; soft and hot. James languidly ran his tongue along Severus' bottom lip in an effort to deepen the kiss, and Severus made a weak noise in the back of his throat.

"Please," James whispered.

Severus felt his knees threaten to buckle. "I…"

"It's all right."

Severus fought for strength. The smooth warm hands that caressed beneath his shirt were doing little to help this cause. He felt the Potter boy's lips on his for a few moments longer before he slowly, awkwardly, let his guard fall.

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I'm going to have to curse his memory to nothingness after this.

James intensified the kiss, easily slipping his tongue into Severus' mouth and sighing with gratification as their saliva mingled hotly, coaxing the Slytherin to return the kiss despite himself. Severus was momentarily distracted from his own self control. In fact, he completely forgot himself, his misgivings, and his reservations. James was taking all of him, and resistance was now past Severus' capacity. He never thought something as trivial as kissing could feel quite like that. He had James Potter, striking and graceful and admired, someone far past his conceivable range, kissing him as if he had never been more desperate for anything in his life. Irrational, but remarkable.

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Review if you like. All comments are welcome.


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